1. Be sociable
Find out about social events in the Christian singles scene. Contact the organisers for more specific details of their events, can you attend alone? How do they help people to mingle and make friends with the same and opposite gender? What demographics are likely to attend? You can tell a lot by the type of music and activities advertised in the publicity material. This would help you make an informed choice. When you do go, be open to making genuine friends with men and women. Show interest in others rather than interviewing perspective spouses. When you do this, you’re more likely to relax and enjoy the event, as you’ll reduce the pressure on yourself.
2. Never contact ex-partners Valentine’s week
Do not send text messages, emails, gifts or cards. No contact means just that. They could have moved on and it comes over as a little desperate if it’s not reciprocated. Don’t allow yourself to dwell on the ‘if only’. The ex is an ex for a reason. The Bible only allowed four weeks to grieve the loss of a spouse. Ouch!!! If you do have more grieving to do, postpone it if you can! Meanwhile implement some of these ideas. Then grieve and move on.
3. Go on a non-date date
Find a non-valentine event you’d like to attend. They do exist. Music concerts, gigs, theatre or cinemas. Find also another single trusted friend or acquaintance of the opposite or same gender that you enjoy being with – and go together on a non-romantic date. Remain positive and determined to enjoy the event and each other’s company. Choose not to focus on the red hearts floating around the place.
4. Don’t go shopping!
5. Go shopping!
Before Valentine’s-Day luxury goods and services have the best deals of the year apart from Christmas. So why not treat yourself to that luxury perfume or aftershave set you’ve had your eye on for ages. The one you wish that the love of your life would buy for you. Alternatively, wait until after V-Day, when sales drop by up to 70% on luxury chocolates and other Valentine’s paraphernalia.
6. So why are you still single?
When people pity or judge you, or ask you why are you still single, be careful not to be upset or angry in your response. Instead gently respond with something like… Why not prepare a “press statement” in advance. Feel free to create something from the suggestions below. What other suggestions could you use?
“ Yes, I am very choosy! Why wouldn’t I be choosy about whom I invest my love?”
“I personally think it’s good to be particular about the person I am going to share my life with… to share my spirit, soul and body with.”
“I am happy”
“I am getting on with living and enjoying my life – this works for me”.
“Thank you for your concern – How come it bothers you so much that I am not part of a couple? “
“What practical solutions do you have for me?”
7.Take care of yourself
Talking about the love of your life. You are to love yourself as your neighbour. How well do you do this? How could you improve your treatment of yourself? Treat yourself with respect and value. Maintain good habits and routines. Exercise, eat well, pamper yourself, and spend time with trustworthy and positive people. Be careful of your focus. Our thoughts impact our emotions, which lead to actions with consequences. Negative thoughts can lead to negative actions. Positive thoughts lead to positive actions.
Live and Love
Do remember that Valentine’s Day is about love. Let’s allow ourselves to receive even more of the greatest love of all. “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John4:14)
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. (John 10:10) It is still possible and essential to have abundant life as a single person. Someone who is genuinely enjoying his or her life is actually more attractive than someone who isn’t. Friends and potential suitors would want to be part of your life if it looks good.
You can listen to a related Premier Radio podcast here https://janetmcnish.com/podcast-singleness-dating-premier-christian-radio-31012016/
Janet McNish PGDip (MBACP) Reg. has been counselling and training in London for 19 years. She is a regular on air Studio Counsellor at Premier Christian Radio. She provides support and training around relationships and trauma recovery for individuals, groups and organisations. For more information www.janetmcnish.com Follow me on Twitter @Janet_Mcnish