How do you experience Mother’s Day? Happy or unhappy?
Today is a celebration of Mother’s Day! This might trigger emotions ranging from poignant to excruciatingly painful …especially if you’re single.
If you do have children...Mothers, I commend you for your courage in raising children alone! Motherhood is said to be the most complex job in the world! For some of you as mothers, Mother’s Day is still difficult. That’s for another article.
For the rest of us wonderful women who are without children for any reason. As well as dealing with our internal dialogue and feelings, we also contend with commercial bombardment, media pressure, comments from “well meaning” friends and family, assumptions from society and platitudes from our faith communities. I understand – I’ve experienced all of this too. For me, the reality is – that it is too late for me to give birth physically… it’s a long time since I saw my 40th birthday! I know – I only look 21 😉 Praise the Lord! Few of us have the resources of Janet Jackson who gave birth to her first baby aged 50 in January 2017.
Perhaps you don’t have a child anymore, through the loss of your child to death. Or removal by force through social, economical, cultural reasons, or deception. Even by termination – no matter what you try to tell yourself. It’s never easy to be separated from a child that you’ve conceived.
Perhaps you don’t have a child yet. Are you still living in hope? Extending your faith, fasting, praying, and religiously practising your positive affirmations. Maybe the hope is fading as time passes by or your health is being impaired by fibroids, endometriosis or another condition. Or you’ve not yet met a suitable partner to have a child with. I’ve spoken with dozens of women in this situation over the years. I existed there too for a long time. As I approached 40, it was increasingly challenging to date someone with genuine confidence as the biological clock was ticking so loudly it sometimes drowned the truth of my true intrinsic worth as a woman. I fluctuated between denial and desperation. So much was at stake. Do you feel like you’re living in limbo land? Suspended in hope? Or even that hope is suspended?
Perhaps it really is too late! Have you longed to hold your child in your arms, but now hope genuine is gone? Do facts dictate that childbirth it is not physically possible for you? There is a grieving process to go through which cannot be hurried. Grieving the loss of your childhood dream and all that it meant for you. Grieving the loss of the hope of being a biological mother, and later a grandmother. The loss of respect from your close community. Yes – some people tend to judge you harshly when you are childless. People hold uninformed assumptions of childless, women. Even men of the same age group with or without children themselves, even in the church. This can leave you with a sense of shame on top of your devastating grief. They haven’t walked in your shoes.
Recently I found practical resources by Jody Day. I hope you are encouraged too at http://gateway-women.com/ Not having children when you long is a very difficult journey. However, with the right support, it’s possible not just to survive, but to thrive. If you’d like to learn more about this please contact me through my website. https://janetmcnish.com
Biblical scriptures are woven with God’s compassion.“He was despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and pain and acquainted with grief; And like One from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or esteem Him.” (Isaiah53:3 AMP)
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds us their wounds…” (Psalm 147:3)
“you are precious and honoured in God’s sight and He loves you…” (Isaiah 43:4)
Stay blessed ~ Janet